My husband and I decided to write out how we felt about our own roles within our family and create a vlog about it. He is the main provider and I have been at home with the babies these past years.
Let me tell you, the first time he shared his feelings about his role in our family I couldn’t help but get emotional.
I felt like a jerk for not realizing all of the stress and pressure he has been under. And selfish for being so wrapped up with my struggles at home with the girls.
Whether you are a part-time working parent, full time or even a parent in school. It is hard to find a balance in it all. While I do not feel that it is possible to have everything truly balanced, I do believe in prioritizing your attention to what is most important at that time.
For my husband, his top priority with his time has been school and work to better our family financially. Here’s how he feels about his current role in our family as the main provider.
My name is Tom. A husband to an amazing wife, and a father to two beautiful daughters.
I love my family so much and will always do whatever I can for them. That is why I make sure I go to work all that I can for them.
As being the provider I take great pride that my long workdays are going to make my family finically stable. It gives me great value in what I do, and helps give me that “I’m needed feeling.”
Also, going to work gives me the opportunity to meet different kinds of people and learn about different backgrounds. With working at a hospital, it is usually nice having healthcare types of discussion with my coworkers.
With going to work, school, and having a few days, I am also able to switch up what I’m doing which is nice not to be bored.
So overall everything is pretty positive for being the main provider for my family.
That is very easy to say until you weigh the negatives.
How can one stay so happy when they want to be home with their family but need to be away at work almost every day?
I spend about 50-56 hours at school and work every week. Think about that for a second. That is easily more time then I get to be home each week.
I am one of the lucky ones where I enjoy my job. Other people live their lives like this and hate their work.
Don’t get me wrong I love it when I get home from work and I get to hear a little two-year-old scream “Daddy’s home!” But I would much rather her wake up and ask me “What do you want to do today?”
I would much rather be giving my wife a good morning kiss, then a goodbye kiss.
When I am gone at school or work all day, I try to make sure to cherish and enjoy the last few hours in the day I have with my family. Some nights though this is a lot easier said than done.
There are some weeks where the constant waking up early makes me very exhausted, This makes me feel that somedays my body never truly wakes up.
I get home from work and will get a burst of energy from seeing three girls with the most beautiful smiles, and one crazy dog that is jumping with joy. That’s all it is though, a small burst.
As soon as things slow down it is like my body is shutting down, preparing for the next day.
I start to feel like that hamster on a wheel, doing the same thing but not feeling like I’m getting too far.
I would like to tell myself that this doesn’t happen but some nights I just feel out of my own head. I’m sure my wife notices or can feel it.
It’s not that I’m not there physically, I am just not as engaged.
Sometimes it is as if that feeling of being needed as the provided, turns into pressure. The pressure to take no days off, the pressure to get the best grades I can. All of a sudden everything that was giving me the value is turning into stress.
Stress usually leads to me not acting that way I should, which at times can cause me and my wife to fight. This is where everything can go bad since my one safe place when I feel stressed is to be with my family. And if I can’t feel unstressed there than, that can really affect my mood.
That is how fast things can change.
I am sure I speak for most providers when I say I wish I could be home with my family every day. The funny thing is most stat at home parents probably wish they could work a few days a week.
I guess that is why they say you want what you can’t have. The constant looking for greener grass.
I’m sure at this point you are wondering what helps me get through this and that I owe to my wife.
When I’m gone at work, thank you, Chelsea, for taking care of our children and raising them up right.
Thank you for all the dinners you make, laundry you do, and cleaning of the house so that when I am home I can enjoy our family time we have.
Thank you for allowing me to be the crazy dad I am to our daughters.
Thank you for all of your hard work to keep this family going.
I cannot imagine how it feels chasing around a toddler all day, stopping her from climbing all while tending to a newborn, while being able to keep the house in order.
I will never be able to thank you enough for all that. But I do want you to know I truly appreciate that when times get tough, I know I can always count on us to figure it out together.
Yes, I do not prefer to be at work as much as I am. But I will always feel better knowing you are the amazing mom you are to our daughters.
To read my confessions of a stay at home mom click here.