My husband and I decided to write out how we felt about our own roles within our family. He is the main provider and I have been at home with the babies these past years.
It is important to take the time to check in with your partner to see how they are feeling. No matter what role you have, you encounter different stressors that may be hard to handle sometimes. Being there to listen and support one another is so important to keep your relationship strong and maintain a healthy relationship.
I am hoping that some mothers can relate and realize it is okay not to enjoy every moment of motherhood but still being in love with our role in our family.
Below are my honest feelings about being the stay at home mom. We also did a vlog about our different viewpoints here.
My name is Chelsea, and I am a stay at home mom to two little girls, Melina and Delilah.
This November marks three years of being a stay at home mom to my daughter Melina.
Three years of watching her fall asleep.
Three years of being the first face she sees when she awakens.
Three years if learning her toddler language and translating to everyone else.
Three years of learning I have no idea what I am doing but giving it my all.
Three years of accepting my new role as the homemaker, and not the provider.
I spend my days answering to mom/mommy 3,000 times a day! The days seem to drag on but the years are fleeting.
When I envisioned being a stay at home mom, I thought of all the amazing moments making memories of providing my children with the best childhood possible.
I thought of doing crafts, being silly together playing, and going on fun playdates. Basically the Pinterest mom.
Let me tell you, I have learned that those crafts are only fun for five minutes, being silly together sometimes ends in a tantrum, and those playdates are sometimes more stressful than fun.
I know that this is just a phase like all the other ones we have experienced.
I never imagined motherhood to be such a rollercoaster. I never envisioned loving someone so much and yet becoming so overwhelmed with them.
When Melina was a baby I would look at her and be filled with so much love and joy that tears would fill my eyes.
I couldn’t imagine how challenging the next two years would be transitioning into toddlerhood. And I don’t even want to think about the teenage years.
This motherhood business does not come with a manual. ANd to be honest, sometimes I feel like I do not know what I am doing.
Most days, from the moment I wake up, I am met with demands from a wannabe independent toddler, growing baby, and playful pets.
My role in our family is based on servitude. It is my responsibility to make sure all basic needs for survival are met and more.
Delilah needs to be nursed every 3 hours and soothed continuously.
Melina needs constant attention with what she finds interesting and wants to explore.
Tending to the house with the never-ending meal prep, cleanup, laundry, and routine cleaning.
At times these demands can feel too heavy.
I become overwhelmed and frustrated. Frustrated for feeling like I shouldn’t be struggling with my role.
After all, I am the one who gets to stay home all day. But it is hard work to constantly put someone else’s needs in front of yours.
It is difficult when you have an active toddler that wants to be a monkey in the house and climb everything, while you are trying to nurse your hungry baby. At the same time as you are realizing that you are starving and have to pee.
Mothers are constantly putting their needs second, third, or even dead last.
At times, I know I can take my frustration out on Tom when I am feeling overwhelmed.
He will come home and ask how my day is. Some days, I can share all of the fun memories we have made from playing, adventuring, and just being together.
Other days, it all seems like a blur. He can’t tell that I have picked up the floor three times and finally gave up. Or that the screaming tantrum that she is having, is the tenth one today.
It feels as if we have been busy all day but didn’t accomplish anything that was on the list of needing to get done.
On the good days, I can’t fathom the idea of having to leave my children daily and dread the idea of school. It is amazing to be able to watch your children discover how to do something for the first time. Whether it is how to roll over or how to ride a bike. These moments are truly magical.
My heart aches in happiness when I catch a moment of pure joy in their face or hear that giggle.
I am grateful for all that Tom does to provide for us.
On the challenging days, I envy his freedom. His freedom to drive in the care to work by himself. Worrying only about him. And of course, listening to whatever music he wants, however loud. Boy, do I miss my car jam sessions.
I envy his social world. Even though it may only be his classmates or coworkers, they are adults. Engaging in real conversation having similar interests as him.
They are not demanding more food or their butts be wiped…At least I sure hope not!
I have learned that after these hard days, I need a time out. A time out from the constant demands, to-dos and just to have at least one hour to myself.
Whether that is a bath, a coffee date, Target run, or simply a drive. I need that time to refresh to come back to serve my family to the best of my ability.
While I sometimes loathe Tom’s freedom, I am forever grateful for his efforts.
For the past three years, Tom has worked alongside going to school. He does his very best to show up and be present with us in the time that we have together, making us a priority,
I can’t imagine how exhausted he must feel waking up before all of us, and sometimes the last to sleep.
I know I do not tell him enough how thankful I am for all that he does for our family.
It can be so easy to get caught up in my own day to day stuff that I forget all that he has on his plate.
Thank you for getting up early every day to provide for us and even on your days off so that I can sleep in.
Thank you for your willingness to better yourself with schooling so that our family can become more financially secure.
Most of all, thank you for giving me this time with my children. Thank you for not pressuring me to do any different than what my heart wants.
There will come a time when the house stays clean, the social life comes back, and the job offers are accepted, but the days of raising my babies will come and go.
And thanks to your hard efforts I am able to be present for the most important work in my lifetime.
Being a stay at home mom s hard. No doubt about it. You are tested in ways you never imagined.
But there is also nothing more rewarding than being there for your children and providing them with your service of love.
Don’t ever doubt the importance of your role!
Check out Tom’s viewpoint as a working parent here: Confessions Of A Working Parent